Hall of Shame: David Davis

“If a democracy cannot change its mind, it ceases to be a democracy” said David Davis, back when he was just a normal MP and before he became Minister For It’ll Be Alright On The Night.

Apparently, that ability to change one’s mind lasted only until we decided to leave the EU, and now the democratic thing to do is ignore the results of an election that removed any semblance of a mandate for Brexit and plough on as if the People Want Whatever David Davis Says They Want.

The EU27 have an array of well-informed, experienced negotiators. In David Davis, the UK has one of those inflatable arm-waving men you see advertising mattresses outside furniture warehouses, all random flailing and hot air.

It was clear long before the EU referendum that he was woefully out of his depth, both on how the EU worked and how we could go about extricating ourselves from it.

So naturally he was made Brexit Minister.

He says he has produced as many as some pages of notes about what we should do in the negotiations, like a flustered student on exam day, who spent most of the time he should have been revising intending – but not quite getting round to – making a revision plan.

As a result, our negotiating strategy is about as realistic as pretending to play an electronic keyboard by hitting the demo button and then flapping your hands randomly at the keys as if it’s really you playing, honest. This might be fun in the privacy of your own home but Davis is up against a genuine orchestra now, and he’s running out of tunes.


The UK left the EU at 23:00 GMT onFriday 31 January 2020
As of 23:00 GMT on 31 January 2020, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is a third country with respect to the European Union.